Why I cannot rest, when I am trying to have a rest?

There is an experience almost all of us have had: finally sitting down for a while, letting the body relax – and instead of calm, a wave of inner turmoil arrives. Thoughts, worries, guilt. As if an invisible voice whispers: “You’re wasting time,” “you should be doing something,” “this way you’ll never succeed.”

It’s paradoxical. The body stops, but the mind keeps running – sometimes even faster. And with the thoughts comes guilt: “I shouldn’t just sit here.” Rest no longer restores; it becomes another battleground.

But what does this mean? Why can’t we find peace, even when we finally rest?

Psychodynamic – The Inner Parent

It’s not just a voice saying “get up, work.” It is our internalized relationship with love and acceptance. If, as children, we felt that love was tied to achievement – that mom or dad smiled when we succeeded, but grew angry or disappointed when we stopped – then rest today carries guilt.

I don’t just stop a task; I stop “being worthy” for a while.
So we become our own strict parents, and instead of letting ourselves pause, we endlessly scold ourselves.

CBT – Core Beliefs

Core beliefs are like lenses through which we view the world. If my belief is “my worth depends on what I do,” then rest is not just a pause – it’s a threat to my identity.

That’s why rest brings automatic thoughts to the surface: “others are moving ahead while I’m falling behind,” “if I stop, I’ll lose ground.” These are not rational thoughts – they are shadows of deeper convictions.

And as long as these beliefs remain unchallenged, rest feels like a luxury I do not deserve.

Existential – The Fear of Emptiness

Resting is not simply lying down. It is entering a space without noise, without roles, without masks. And there, in that silence, questions we’d rather avoid may arise:

• “Who am I when I’m not producing?”
• “What remains of me when I do nothing?”
• “Does my life have meaning beyond performance?”

Activity works like a smoke screen, filling time so I don’t have to hear these questions. Rest, on the other hand, lets them emerge. And that can be more frightening than any deadline.

The Escape into the Phone – A False Rest

The phone becomes a quick refuge from all of the above. I don’t have to face the inner parent, or the beliefs, or the emptiness. I can drown myself in images, videos, information. It feels like rest, but it isn’t: it’s an escape that loads me with new anxieties.

Social comparison, information overload, the sense that “others are living more than I am” – all of this drains me more than it restores me.
And so, the phone doesn’t close the cycle. It recycles it.

Synthesis & Closing

When we cannot rest, it may not be because we “overthink.” The difficulty hides deeper layers:

• Inner voices that demand relentlessly.
• Core beliefs that tie worth to productivity.
• The very fear of emptiness that surfaces when we stop.
• And an escape into the phone that promises rest but exhausts us further.

Rest is not only a physical act. It is also a form of courage: to withstand being with ourselves without needing to prove anything.

So perhaps the real question is not “how do I rest?” but rather:
“What am I afraid I will encounter, if I truly stop?”